I wrote about enviousness between women at work last week. As I got some feedback to write more about enviousness, here we go. Enviousness, what is that? Psychologists distinguish between 6 main emotions: anger, fear, happiness, disgust, sadness and surprise. This is what is also easy to read in faces an behaviours. People are trained to recognise this in the facial expressions of people. But what about enviousness? Where does it belong to? It seems to be a mixture of more than one emotion. Let me get back to this later.
Where does enviousness come from? The answer is expectations. Expectations are in ourselves. A mixtures of what we planned to reach, how we would like to look like, and who we would like to be. All these points make us feel happy or disappointed of our lives. -so what happens if we are disappointed and see someone who reached all these things? We look at this person, we observe them, we are looking for something that is worse than ours. The more we search and the more we don't find anything serious, it gets worse. The human person is not able to accept someone being better than oneself. We can accept if they are similar, best slightly worse but just not better.
We cannot like someone who is prettier, has a taller house, a prettier wife, cuter children, a bigger car - and when this person is also nice and friendly? We cannot cope with that, there must be something wrong! Why do I not reach all these things but this neighbour does? And the worst thing about that: the neighbour thinks the same. Both are so much searching for weaknesses of the other that they forget what they have. There was one of these facebook memes, everybody likes which said: before you kiss another woman, think about how many would like to kiss yours. And that's it, we forget how happy we could be with what we have. Let me get back to the emotions. The fear of not being someone that children and others look up to, plus the sadness of not having reached what we planned to, makes us angry. This complex mixture of diverse emotions comes from our brain, we think about things. The awareness of the self makes us think about other's successes and our failures.
Today, have a look at your life...and think about the things you could be proud of...and grateful for, I am sure, it's a lot! Don't compare, just be happy - at least today...